Practice of Self-Love
Motherhood is quite the adventure! And while we love our little munchkins with our whole selves, those little creatures can drive us crazy! It can feel like you are being pulled in a hundred different directions which can leave a mama feeling overwhelmed.
I wouldn’t trade my mom life for anything, but it’s unlike any job I’ve ever had. With no weekends or time off, it’s a 24/7 job that can be physically and emotionally draining.
One of the most interesting things I’ve found about mothers, is that despite our profound compassion for our littles, self-compassion is something that doesn’t come without practice.
How many times can you say you’ve blamed yourself for something your little one has done? You may not even know you are doing it! Internalizing our child’s behaviour as a direct reflection of our parenting abilities is something that is far too common among us moms (and dads for that matter)!
Just because your toddler is having a meltdown in the grocery aisle at WalMart because you won’t let him stick blueberries up his brother’s nose, does not mean you have failed at raising your tiny humans. But as the shrieking becomes ear-piercing and, what seems like, all the eyes are on you and how you handle the “situation,” your internal voice is blaming you for thinking you could do this!
Why is it ok for us to be so quick to blame ourselves when something as simple as a grocery run turns into a full blown toddler power struggle? Being compassionate is something that (for most people) is effortless when it involves someone else, but when it’s us that needs the compassion, that little voice inside turns into a full-blown bully.
Mama – it’s not ok to be this hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, as you would a friend, a loved one or a local mom at the playgroup you frequent.
I’m not going to say it’s easy to break this habit – afterall, you probably don’t even notice you are being incompassionate! And that’s why the first step, is to be mindful. The next time you are feeling frustrated or drained, pay attention to that little voice in your head. Are you being as kind to yourself as you would someone else?
A perfect example is breastfeeding! I remember as a first time mom, feeding baby X1 wasn’t as I pictured it at all. It was far from intuitive. It hurt and took quite some time to get the latch just right. Thinking back on how I handled that, I was far from compassionate! I was a hormonal mess that was angry with my body, wondering why something that should be natural was so difficult for me.
In order to practice self-compassion, you have to acknowledge the pain point. The next step is to remind yourself this is not just your issue, but one that many (if not most) people experience.
As moms, we are doing a disservice to each other by not talking about the parts of parenthood that don’t look perfect on social media! Yes, breastfeeding hurts, but it’s not my body’s fault, breastfeeding can take a while to get the hang of!
Then the real shift in mindset comes! Rather than letting that nasty little voice take over, treat yourself as you would any other mama you run into, be kind and be patient!
Something like “I deserve compassion for doing what I have to do to provide for my baby.”
It seems weird giving yourself that little pep talk at first, but once you are able to reframe the way you react to those situations, you’ll notice a huge shift!
Fast forward to today, X1 has entered toddlerhood, which means there is much less time in the moment to catch my internal self from being a real bitch. But in these cases, the best practice is to take a short “self-compassion” break. Like that fun trip to WalMart I explained above!
Just because little man is having a meltdown in public does not mean I’ve failed at being a mom! Mommin’ is hard – and so is being a toddler! Power struggles are real (am I right??) and they are certainly not something only I have the pleasure of experiencing!
In this world of social media, it can be hard not to compare ourselves to everyone and be critical of ourselves! But even though we chose to live this ‘hood life (motherhood that is), we deserve to be kind to ourselves. Self-compassion when mixed with some simple meditation can do volumes for our patience and parenting style! So give yourself credit mama, you are awesome!
Share with us the biggest obstacle you face with respects to self-compassion! Have you been able to overcome it? Stay tuned to hear some of the best positive affirmations for moms!
XO,
Emma
